Dreamt

They rollerblade
Through the complexities of space tunnels
Fabricated by hypothetical schools
Made to be lengthy tests
Where time seemed to be
Made into trivialities of diagnostic schemes.

Brightly lit neon signs
Blurring past attentive notations,
Below, above and around them,
Numerous characters indicative of the inferential and descriptive,
However small or large, in essence
Released from impossibilities.

Her voice heard in the distance;
Words meekly hissing through apologues;
Probabilities subjected to a sentence;
Seeking narratives of an iota allocated
To venerated yields of unities.


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Confirmation

If we had chosen
The lane with least resistance
Where would we be now?

On an endless winding road
Where you mystically stand,
Was it a plea I heard in passing?

Does this complete track
Hold hidden fragments
Of souls silent torrents?

Or is that imagined?

And are you
Too blind and deaf
To see and hear
That beauty doesn’t exist
Outside of you
Even if they may be
Stuttering nightmares?

Why do we think
We caught a glance
Of a distorted smile
In vapourised grimace?

I am or am I

I wanted
To see
How close
We would get
To the future
He foretold.

I wanted
To explore
The world
That existed
Between us.
Even if
There would
Always be
Other options.
I wanted
To witness
His magnificence,
His imperfections,
His nature,
In person.

It didn’t matter
When he said he’d let me down,
That was something I expected.
But I only partially believed him
When he said
I’d regret
Losing
Him.

“She’s a lunatic”
They whisper.

I am a heretic
For believing,
For pleading,
Through prayer
Hoping this love
Could have existed,
Or am I
Nothing more
Than
A disillusioned
Fanatic stalker.

The Reasons

Chasing what has been deemed
To be nothing more than
Dreams, illusions, magic,
To insanity, I lost
Time used up
Searching for a love
Which never existed
Falsified belief
Story of ever after
Excused culpable behavior
Never in occurrence
Followed ambiguous directions
Unbestowed cryptic messages
In a fearsome life lived
By paranoia fueled threats
Losing grip on basis
Based on importance
Neglecting other duties
I needed to tend
To darkness in allowance
In devastation to devour
Watched the untimely death
To the sovereign state
Of being to non-existence
Losing pride, drive, perseverance
In areas necessary to progress.

Out of the things I’ve lost
In this whorling vortex
Of remorse and regret
From the whence
The catalyst did spark
Losing you
Was the greatest cost.

But
Even as I write this
I still think of

Breathe.

Straighten your back.

Breathe in slowly
Fill up your lungs.

Hold it in space
Feel it encased.

Steady exhale
Into the air.

Listen intently
To the pulsating rhythm.

Follow the beat.

Return your attention
Back to the music.
Revert your tempo
Back to prime
Measures perfect
Time; Restart.

Breathe.

Do it once more.

It will be okay
Pain will subside.

Dreams’ll be forgotten.

Breathe.

Isn’t it Funny

Nothing seems to be able to fill
This void you’ve created
After the curtains fell

I seek traces
Of composite particles
In alternative spaces
But all seem elementary
In comparison
To your atomic density
The rest condemned
To subatomic perception.
Your intense propensity
For art
For love
Such nucleonic passion.

I had always wondered
What passion looked like,
Then I understood it,
When I read it,
When you openly expressed it.

I reminisce you soaring,
In disintegrating films,
Through mercurial celestial spheres
Through expansive changing vistas
Through a gigantic slideshow reel.
You showed me what would have been
Had magic existed in this world.

I’m sad
And sorry to say
I am aware
I could just be biased.
Because
In some parallel universe
We’d both know
I don’t know much.

But it doesn’t change
How
Your performance
Left
Me.

Fully Understand

The idea of having someone watch
While they fully understand
What it is
That is going on
Frightens me.

Face them.
Face those fears.
I tell myself.
But I can’t seem to do it.

This is the best I can do
This is the only way
I know how to
Have peace of mind
So that he doesn’t have to see
That lost girl
Stuck in never ending time.

It stops me from writing freely
Isn’t that enough reason to leave
Or am I supposed to freeze
Even though it feels like
Something is coming after me.