I am or am I

I wanted
To see
How close
We would get
To the future
He foretold.

I wanted
To explore
The world
That existed
Between us.
Even if
There would
Always be
Other options.
I wanted
To witness
His magnificence,
His imperfections,
His nature,
In person.

It didn’t matter
When he said he’d let me down,
That was something I expected.
But I only partially believed him
When he said
I’d regret

“She’s a lunatic”
They whisper.

I am a heretic
For believing,
For pleading,
Through prayer
Hoping this love
Could have existed,
Or am I
Nothing more
A disillusioned
Fanatic stalker.