Am I Awake

A mess of words stuck to each other
Barely making any sense.
Was I that much of a mess back then.

Was I delirious
Am I awake now?

Then why do I
Still feel disoriented.
I feel my way through
A lightless woodland,
The rough bark
On my finger tips,
The crunching of crud
Underneath my feet.
My sensory receptors
Respond to stimuli,
But these things,
They don’t exist.
I try to find an exit
But can’t seem to find it.
From every direction
Trees of this Garden
Obstruct my way.
I tilt my head
Towards the heavens
Searching for the moon
But the specked sky is hidden
By shadeless canopy greens.

A lightning bolt strikes;
I then realise
I am naked.

Trash Bag

Drop dead
Rats with piles of filth;
The articles of clothing
You left,
When you decided
This was the end.

Is your life so close to god damned perfect
That you can walk out that door
Without even glancing back.

Don’t be mistaken.
The moment
You decided
You’d abandon
I lost all interest.

But I’ll say I’m sorry

I accidentally
Decapitated one of their heads
When I tried breaking its neck
With a tin can.

It’s in your trash bag.

No Escape

She was the atomic structure of hydrogen
She was in most compound structures,
She was in almost everything.

She was my everything.

She was oxygen.
She was water.
She was sustenance.
The fuel that ignited
The flaming arcs
Of desirous devastation,
Of innervating passion,
To hissing sparks of jealousy.
The heat that warmed my soul,
The small pleasures of morning coffee
To the addiction of nicotine.

I would have gone wherever,
However far,
Whatever the cost.

But it doesn’t matter
What I would have done
When all is lost.

With no escape
Except to express
This berating despair
Of lifeless existence
Without hydrogen’s bond.

The One Where You

The only reality
I stopped fighting
Was the one
Where you
Threw me away.

If it had been
That I had traveled
In the wrong direction,
I could say
Go back the other way.

If it had been
That you were playing games,
I could say
I could stay
A little longer.

If it had been
That you deserted
For my sake,
I could say you were wrong
To cast me away.

If it had been
That all was imaginary,
I could reminisce
And relish in the memories
That bought me to this place.
While knowing
I, at the very least,
Tried.

But in the case
Where you decided
To leave,
There was nothing
But sorrow.

I haven’t lived that one yet.

Let go.

Another Stranger

I close my eyes
And visit the future.

A future where you and I
Existed together.

I’d caress that beautiful head
And vomit words of praise.
I’d tell you how beautiful
You looked each passing day.
Your tender hands I’d hold
Forever amazed you materialized
As tangible bodily warmth.
As time would wither us both,
I’d be sure to remind you
Of how beautiful you were
That day,
And the ones that would follow.

But that’s in some fantasy place
A world where miracles happen.
Instead, I’m lost in this space
Where you don’t exist
As a lover.
Falling apart in this universe
Where you’re
Just another stranger.

If I Had the Power to Choose.

If I had the power to choose
Which reality
I would choose the one
Where there was us.

I would take all of it
All of the pain
All of the hate
All of the resentment
All of those lies
If it meant I could have you,
Even it were to be
Just for a moment.

But I don’t.

Reality is
The truths
That are available to you.

My problem is
My truths
Have no base
To stand on
Even after having asked you.

Because you’re a filthy fucking liar
Who fancies himself
To be
A snake oil charmer.

Even if it may be true.

It’s okay though
Because I’m just

Crazy.